Tag Archive: birthday


 

It’s Chuch Norris’ birthday today! So how old is he this year? Well, the easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’ age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Since he won’t allow that, he claims he’s 71. But his roundhouse kick killed all the dinosaurs, so the math doesn’t seem to work out… Wait, it’s okay, because Chuck Norris can divide be zero.

 

So I scoured the Internet for the life of Chuck Norris, and this is what I found:

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Chuck Norris used to work at Disneyland as a teenager. His beard was one of their rides until the “accident” that killed 30 wuss boy scouts.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In fact, when Arnold says the line, “I’ll be back” in the first Terminator movie, it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles.” Chuck Norris did not respond; he simply stared at him until he exploded.

So there you have it! The totally true life of Chuck Norris!

Exciting Excitement!

As you were probably already aware, yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and I feel pretty proud of myself for lasting as long as I did before dying inside. It was about 9:30 am when I saw some blond walk by with a good-looking guy, and she was acting like an idiotic, narcissistic toddler on helium, just to get his attention. It was then that I decided I had already had enough of this nauseating holiday, that is, until the candy started coming my way. Then I remembered why the bulk of society celebrates Valentine’s Day: chocolate. And man, did I celebrate. I still feel a little sick from inhaling last night’s Toblerone. …And about 6 chocolate hearts. …And that giant cookie.

 

Anyway! Moving on. About a week ago, some Halo fan site leaked images of the new Defiant map pack. Recently, Bungie confirmed this, setting its release date in March. The pack will feature two new multiplayer maps and one for firefight. If you’d like to see its awesome and cheesy promotional video, click here. It’s pretty exciting!

 

So why did I mention Valentine’s Day? Because there’s more! Yesterday, Valve released a cute little Valentine’s Day video that you can view by clicking here. It’s purpose was to announce that Portal 2 can now be pre-ordered! Yay! However, I don’t think I will be participating due to its release date falling very close to my birthday. I’ll let my family do the pre-ordering.

 

So there are two very exciting excitements to look forward to and have little nerd moments about. I’ve already begun fantasizing about their epic entry into my living room.

 

P.S. The picture at the top is a killer pumpkin. It has absolutely no relevance to this post.

A Bit About My Mother

So I was talking to my mom the other day, and our conversation went something like this:

Me: “I’ve decided what I want my birthday cake to be!” (Even though my birthday isn’t for another couple months.)

Mom: “Oh..?”

Me: “I want it to look like the cake from Portal!”

Mom: “Oh, that’s perfect! The cake is a lie!”

Me: “N- no, I really do want the cake..”

Mom: “I’ll be happy to make it for you!” *Laughs evilly* (Is this what it’s like to have GlaDOS for a mother?)

And it was that instant when I realized: my mom is a nerd. Okay, maybe not a full-fledged, game-playing, comic book-reading geek, but she knows enough to threaten my birthday cake, which is kind of scary. I guess you could say she’s toe-testing the waters of nerdism. My dad, brother and I are all uber-nerds, so I suppose it would be difficult to live in a household full of Doctor Who references and Star Trek quotes and not be a nerd yourself. Well, whatever the case, I’m just happy I have a mother who catches the reference when I say: “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

Thoughts about Halo

The other day was my friend Annie’s birthday, so naturally we hung out. Knowing that I’m obsessed with a quaint little game called Halo: Reach, she proposed that we head over to her house to play it. After all, nothing says quality time together like a couple rounds of shooting your friend in the face repeatedly.

 

I, of course, agreed immediately to this ingenious proposal, because it had been a while since I picked up a controller, and my trigger finger was getting a little itchy. The next thing I know, I’m sitting in Annie’s basement playing on Forge, which is not quite the same as Slayer, but we managed to fit in a fair amount of snipings, backstabbings, and my personal favorite: death from above with Banshees.

 

So anyway, we were playing on Forge (which I’m freaking amazing at, by the way. I’m so pro, I can lay down building blocks WITHOUT the item rotation snap. Plus, I’m humble about it all), and we were making our own little forts on opposite sides of the map. After about an hour of playing (and fifty awesomely laid building blocks), I realized that we were playing house. How is this any different than setting up bedsheets over chairs and sofas?

 

We were playing the exact same thing we used to play as four- and five-year-olds, except that now, everything is virtual, and instead of making something to live in, we were making something with which to defend ourselves. It’s not that big of a difference, because once we’re done with our little forts, no one would dare attack them! I’m sure not going in blind to Annie’s giant, turret-infested fort, complete with sniping towers and teleporters that lead to who knows where! Well, only Annie knows, and that’s the point. The greatest advantage you can have in a game is knowing the territory. And I suppose that’s part of the appeal of Forge: you can make a map in which only you know where all the trap doors and secret staircases are.

 

But I digress. My point was: I find it a bit amusing that, here we are, a little over a decade later, and we are still playing house. It may be a different, more high-tech version, but it is house, nonetheless. I don’t feel ashamed to be revisiting the make-believe games of my childhood, because after all, I freaking pwn at Forge.